Living Simple in a Complex World

In a world full of availability, too many people think that we're supposed to see and experience and do everything we possibly can, even to our own detriment.

Suzie is a mom of two who each have their own sports teams to practice with, band to play in, common extracurricular activities to go to and are always on the run during the weekends. She herself is on the PTA board, the mother's council and MADD on weekend nights. Her marriage is failing, her kids don't appreciate her and she barely has time to breathe otherwise. ... Yeah, this is the life.

You know what the typical excuse is for all this? "It's not what I had when I was a little girl." Well, that's all good and fine, but there has to be a responsible look at all this. We're not robots. Whatever happened to enjoying a quiet afternoon? Having a Saturday where you could sleep in and still not have to do anything?

While I won't say that all who run to and fro are irresponsible, I would like to point out that while there's only so much time in a day, there are many days in which to experience things in life. So don't be afraid to calm down, back off, take those chill pills and relax. Find a book, a movie, the back porch. Talk with your kids - not just on the way to baseball practice - and your spouse. You think it's a wonder parents don't talk to their kids anymore? It's because it all becomes a business arrangment, with mommy spending every waking moment giving her kids what she didnt' have, and not giving them enough of what she did.

Those lessons in life she learned when she was 13 are easily drowned out by sports on Monday and Thursday, church on Wednesday, Boy Scouts on Tuesday and letting them out with their Friends on Fridays. Then their more sports Saturday morning and small evening trips Saturday night. Sunday is filled with church, chores and homework.

If you don't know your kids, they aren't going to know you. They're not going to understand that you've already experienced their problems in school, with understanding how girls work or what it means to like someone when you fall in love. They're not going to know why failure is as important as success. They're going to need to know who you, the parents, are and be able to trust that what you say is real, not imagined by some old person.

Life doesn't change. There will always be bullies, there will always be snobs, there will always be the poor, there will always be the rich, bosses, employees, backstabbers, liars, cheats, whores, prudes, faithful, faithless, hard workers, the lazy, morons, geniuses ... the list goes on. No matter whether you ride a horse or drive a car, live in a log house or one hundreds of feet in the air ... life doesn't change, and it never will.

Living well is not a product of what you can do, but of who you are.

And yet people struggle to cram in every last possible moment as though life wouldn't be worth living otherwise. I would wager, if I were a bettin' man, that many fathers and mothers keep their children busy because they're too afraid they, the parents themselves, are failing in life. They're afraid of the quiet moments, where they might actually have to face themselves AND their children. They spend so much time scrambling, they don't have to think of their own shortcomings or fears, where it's drowned out in the buzz of activity.

You must stop, step back, and ask yourself a couple of questions?

Should your child be involved in EVERYTHING extracurricular?
Is it your job as a parent to cart them to everything they want to be involved in? Honestly, is it your job?
Is their involvement as completely beneficial as you've thought?
Honestly sit down and list what your children might be missing because of their heavy involvement?

Alright alright, so I've focused a lot on parent and child activities after school, but I use said example because it's prevalent in today's society and is a good example of where such thinking might start.

Anyone suffering from this might want to consider stopping for a month, both them and their children, and do absolutely nothing. That's right, NOTHING. Let their kids play with other kids. They should do their lawn as the only thing they do on Saturday. They should be spontaneas and drive across town just to eat at a McDonalds, then turn around and drive back. Or drive to the next town to buy a single pair of socks. Do something SIMPLE.

This is not to say that people can't be involved in things, by no means am I saying that. It's just important to remember that life should not revolve around such things.

Choose wisely how you will live.

Marriage, Sex, and Children

The three most important considerations in life, other than God, are Marriage, Sex, and Children. Now, take note that I did not say most important THINGS. Marriage and Children could fall under that, but not sex. Sex is not an important thing.

Let's delineate our considerations.

1. Marriage.
NEVER, repeat, NEVER, marry someone because you're in love with them. Being in-love is no more than being infatuated. Don't argue with me. You're still wrong. I don't care. You're wrong. You know why? Because millions of people fall IN and OUT of love, every day. Being in-love is fun, but ultimately invalid. Is it okay to be in love? Sure!! But not at the cost of your judgment.
Marrying the right person is a combination of two basic things. A-It's RIGHT. B-You love them.

QUICK NOTE: Love is NOT an emotion. Love is NOT a feeling.
Love is a COMMITMENT to the betterment of another with a dedication of the soul. It also requires action. "I love you" is a phrase quoted in how many broken homes? Love requires action, or it's not love. It's just ... hot air.

How do I know if marriage is right? Ask God. He's your ultimate source. Also keep in mind that knowing YOURSELF will help you know your mate. If you don't know who you are, you are NOT ready to get married. It takes knowing who you are, what you like, dislike, and what you will not put up with, that will help make your marriage smoother than otherwise.
And love requires action to your mate. It's getting up so they can sleep, it's helping them with work, it's NOT putting your problems on them when they're having a bad day. It's sucking up the tough times and pressing through. It's saying that you consider your mate more important than your pain, and you're going to show them in whatever way it will mean most to your mate.

2. Sex
You do NOT have sex with anyone you're not prepared to marry or have children with. That simple. Now, the Bible never says that you have to BE married before having sex. It DOES say, that if you have sex with a woman, you are to take her as your wife. What? But it was just for fun- yeah, tell that to the doctor when he hands you your positive STD exam.
Don't MATE with someone of the opposite sex if you are not prepared to bear children. That simple. Life should be simple. Simplicity is following a set of rules - right and wrong. They help you simplify your life. You CAN do this, you CAN'T do that. Everything else if fair game.

3. Children
They're not your friends or best buddies. They're not pieces of furniture. They are YOUR OFFSPRING, and it is your RESPONSIBILITY to raise them. You know what that word means? Oh, that's right. We stopped using that word shortly after WWII. A people sick of the depression and of war, we gave up values we thought caused these things to happen.
Without responsibility, this country will fall faster than any other great nation before us. If you doubt that, you are one of those who've forgotten the true meaning of responsibility.

Responsibility is not an adult thing to do. It's life, and there's no other way to live it.

Do not make your children into your friends. Your wife, or you, did not spend nine months in hell just so you could have a best buddy. They are a gift and a charge from God. You are to raise them in your beliefs, and hopefully in values better than you yourself have practices. Teach them to REMEMBER the past, so they won't repeat its mistakes in the future.

Mankind's greatest flaw is our inability to remember our past. When God saves us, we go right back to the sin he saved us from. Why? Because we never remember the sin! If ONLY we could remember!

Marriage, Sex, Children.

One last point.

The EASIEST way to simply your life, is to live your life in a way that you would have no shame whatsoever in telling your child what you do, on a daily basis.
If you would not want your child to know how many men, or women, you sleep with, or how much alcohol you can down before passing out, or how you cheat on your taxes, don't do it now. Living it up is irresponsible-

Oh, wait. That's right. No one knows what that means anymore.

Johnathan Cross

When Husbands Fail

When Husbands Fail.

Men who walk away from their marriages because they FEEL differently are no better than weak women. I applaud women who, through emotional turmoil, choose a path of thought and consideration within the chaos of emotions. Men who do so are worthless men who ought to be strung up by their ankles and flogged.

Responsibility is not an adult thing to do, it's life, and there is no other way to live it. If you walk out on responsibility, you walk out on being a man, at any age. You walk out on a commitment to God, the Holy One of Israel. You walk out on my respect and the respect of anyone who's worth a damn.

"I met someone online" is no FUCKING way to end your marriage, you worthless pieces of shit. You met someone online? You didn't meet someone online. You're committing ADULTERY in your head with someone you're just as likely to walk away from when your feelings CHANGE again.

BE a FUCKING MAN. Stop following your emotions. Any person, male or female, who marries someone because they fell in love with them is as blind and irresponsible as a drunk cheerleader at a frat house. You don't marry people because you're in love, you marry them because you LOVE them. Being "in love" and LOVING someone are two different things.

And if you married someone and are no longer "in-love" with them, TOUGH FUCKING SHIT. Learn to love them, honestly love them.

Love is not a feeling, it's a commitment to the betterment of another (NOT YOURSELF) with the dedication of the soul.

If you can't learn to love the woman you MARRIED, you will not succeed with another. Marriage is not a "thing to do," it's a permanent lifestyle you've promised to follow before GOD and man, to the end of your life, through better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health. Marriage is not supposed to be a joyride, it's a testament from you to God and you're prepared to be his BRIDE. That's why we're here in the first place!!!

Love requires a sacrifice you're obviously too selfish to give. Love requires you to give of yourself to one you pledged the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!

*breathing deeply*

I hear things, of people, of men, who walk away. I don't pity you you sons of bitches. You make me sick. If she cheated on you, threatened your children, or did something actively harmful to you or the family, I can see, then, the problem. If not, you are weak, and worthless. You are wrapped in your own good-feeling addiction and will amount to nothing in the eyes of anyone who's worth standing before.

"But, it's over. / I'm not in love with her anymore. / There's someone else. / It's too hard."
You're absolutely, fucking out of your mind. You PROMISED. You're a liar, a cheat, an adulterer, a child with a penis, a boy with hair on his chest. You ... there aren't enough words to describe men like you.

I hate you. God loves you, but you make him weep. You twist the greatest gift he ever gave us because of your fucking wankers!

Men don't have to be perfect, but you should damn well be ready to fight to your last breath to live up to your word. And if you can't, you ARE worthless.

I'm ending this now because there's nothing left to say.

JCross

Where Real Love is Lost

Signs You Haven't Grown Up

"I love you, but I'm not 'in-love' with you."

So? Since when did being "in-love" ever constitute an actual relationship? It constitutes the high levels of SEX dripping in people's bodies and the warm fuzzies.

Fuck being "in-love." Pardon the French, but honestly.

I've said it before in a previous blog, being "In Love" is no different than being infatuated. In fact, it IS infatuation. You're infatuated with another person.

If I was In Love with someone, it means I'm infatuated with them. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Why not be infatuated with your husband? Wife? Significant other? That can be a good thing. Sure. There's nothing wrong with the warm fuzzies. They're warm, and they're fuzzy. They're nice.

But they're not real.

How many couples, every day, get lost in the warm fuzzies and forget that love is not a feeling?

>>>> Love is a commitment to the betterment of another. <<<<

Is telling someone you love them, showing love? No. It's not.

Love is NOT a feeling. You CAN feel it, but it's not a feeling. Love must be shown, or it is nothing more than YOUR state of mind. True love is showing that you not only care for them, but are willing to put their needs and wants above your own.

The Wrong Battle

When I hear of a married couple getting divorced because they "fell out of love," I can't help but feel that they are ... how you say, fighting the wrong battle? They thing the struggle is accomplishing something. Struggling accomplishes nothing.

This is not to say that struggle is avoidable, or even worthless - it builds strength, tenacity. But if you struggle with no good result, there is no victory in your fight.

If you have found yourself in a struggle that refuses to end, then you need to withdraw your forces and reattack the problem. Reassess where the battle should take place and what weapons you need.

And remember that the problem is NOT your loved one. It is a situation you and your loved one are in. Attack the PROBLEM, not your loved one.

If you are having a heavy dispute about what you want versus what they want, reassess why you two didn't just compromise in the first place. Then work out the difference.

Marriage is not a problem. Change to make it work. Your marriage is more important than your wants or desires. It's more important than your children. It's more important than anything short of your road to the afterlife.

Or were you lying at the altar?

Only in Death, Can there be Life

Being in love is not a problem until you mistake it for real love. If you fall out of love, you have simply lost your infatuation for your loved one. Does that mean your relationship is over?

Actually, on the contrary, it's completely different. This becomes a perfect opportunity for the relationship to grow to another level. This is the perfect moment to remember that marriage makes your husband or wife into your family. They cease to be only your lover (whom with you can become with anyone, same or opposite sex) and start to become your arm, leg, gut ... would you cut any of these off simply because of a little discomfort? NO! Hell no! Only when that body part dies would you consider getting rid of it. And possibly not even then. (Necrophilia is not encouraged by this Blogger, btw)

Marriage is not about simply being in love, it's about sharing someone else's life. If you suddenly think it's boring, do something to make it more exciting. Do NOT stop. Marriage isn't a optionable situation. Some think it is. Some can't make it work. Some call it irreconcilable differences.

Is your wife an irreconcilable difference?
Is your husband?

ARE THEY? ASK YOURSELF THAT QUESTION! And then ANSWER YOURSELF!

NO. If YOU are committed to making it work, and THEY are committed to making it work, then they are NOT an irreconcilable difference.

Or is the problem ... you? Are you an irreconcilable difference.

The Giving Clause

Never stop giving. Loving someone is completed only in giving to them - giving yourself, your time, your energy, sacrifices. It means, you are willing to go without something to make them happy. It means, you're willing to change aspects of who you are to accommodate aspects of who they are so that you two can work together, live together ... love together.

When a man and his wife constantly give of themselves to each other, they will always be receiving. Like fingers clasping each other, the more they push toward each other, the tighter the bond becomes, and the fewer holes there are. When one hand always expects to receive, there will always be holes in the bond of two hands joining.

Husbands who come home to a stay-at home wife (only an example), be willing to help her with with children, dishes, laundry ... Even if you're tired.
Wives who find their husband come home from a hard day at work, be willing to give him some peace and quiet.

My point is not that husbands should work and wives should stay at home. That's between you and your loved one. What I'm saying, is that you should always be willing to GIVE. You WILL receive - in more ways than you can count, but only if you're willing to continually give to that person.

To Life, Love, and Pursuit Thereof

Life is mired in the desires of the moment, forgetting the truths of every day. The truth is, love is not easy, but is so well worth it. Love culminates in marriage. Marriage is a solid, binding way of life - it's not a ride, not a trip, or an adventure. You may have a ride, trip and adventure while married, but that's not what the marriage is. It's a way of life.

Don't approach it as a trip with a refund clause, or a Christmas gift you can take back if you don't want it as much as you once did. It's how you live your life.

Put your marriage in your mind with no way out, and that improving that marriage is the only way to be happy. You know what you'll get?

I'll give you one guess. - A happy marriage.

Do what it takes, no matter how long, or far, you have to swim to get there. Go for gold, go for God, go for love, go for your spouse. Just remember that if you keep yourself first, you won't go anywhere.

Prophet of Roses

Touching the woman

Err the line in the sand.

After centuries of internal strife, who could ever say for sure the role of a woman in this world? It varies upon culture, time, day and more importantly considered - her mood.

Women are incredibly strong creatures, if raised properly. They are graced with a multitude of personal gifts and attiributes, in so many ways that outweigh that of men. But then, they weren't built to be men, nor were men built to be women.

Where men can be targeted, focused and single minded (this being said as a neutral fact), women are the broad spectrum. They multi-task, can think quickly and think thoroughly.

God made man first, with the original purpose to give him a care-free life. Whether this argument is placed as to why many men want to be lazy is an argument I won't even try to face. But women were first described in the bible as a helper. That means doing some things better than a man, because in those ways she helps him.

In the terms of today's world, such skills are very valuable in the high-end, technology-driven workplace. A woman's natural skills can help run effective management within an organization through those God-given gifts of multi-tasking and thorough planning. In today's day and age, as there have been in others, women have sought a life beyond the purpogated "barefoot and pregnant" motif.

A woman, is a powerful thing. She sees things men cannot, and sees things men will not. She is a focus of heart over a man's mind, and will love a man more thoroughly than he will love her. But then, that's how men and women differ, is it not?

Where women have a strong hand within their own hearts, men prefer to rely on their heads (whether they use it or not). Women rely on their feelings within their heart, and use it to sharpen their minds and how they think about things. Men, on the other hand, use their heads to shape their feelings. A man is more likely to deliberately choose how he'll feel about something than a woman, who will change her thoughts according to her feelings.

Men baffle women in this way because women can't imagine choosing their feelings from their thoughts, when men can't imagine choosing their thoughts from their feelings. This isn't talking about a sensory feeling, as in something doesn't feel right about driving down the interstate blindfolded. This is about emotions.

A woman is the other half for the man, because if men (as straight men) had to choose to marry each other, our population would die out (sexual reproduction notwithstanding).

Women live in relationships. They relate things to each other as a matter of rote. When a woman asks a man if a pair of pants make her look fat, it's because she's relating the size of her pants to how he views her in general. Men separate their thoughts on different subjects. Where he's just looking at the single question provided, he's not considering that she'll take anything short of "Honey, you're as beautiful today as the day I first saw you," as a sign that she no longer physically pleases him, or any other number of things depending on recent coversations and how she feels at that particular moment.

Men and women can gossip, but women are considered heavier in the practice. That's because it's about the relationship of one thing to another, in a sensationalized form. That feeds their desire to learn about relationships like candy compared to brussel sprouts.

That's also one reason women can seem more vicious about fighting. Men will settle for fighting the instigator and usually let it alone. Women are more thorough, going after the honor of their opponent, their opponent's children, sister, husband ... you name it. It's about her thoroughness and her sense that if you're fighting her you're fighting the relationships entailed with her. It's an all-or-nothing fight.

Women are powerful creatures. They're an entire species to themselves, with their own culture and their own way of approaching things. While neither species should simply roll over for the other, it would behoove a man not to trample into a nest of women. Lorena Bobbit should bring enough understanding of that subject. To get back at her husband, she didn't beat him back, she went for something else.

... (a moment of silence, please)

They are all-loving or all-hating, usually in extreme forms. It's rare I find a women naturally aloof on people she begins to know. Good or bad, she'll have an opinion of someone.

This all being said, I'm not here pointing these as flaws women have. Men are certainly not creatures of perfection, by any stretch whatsoever. But I'm talking about women, not men. So stop thinking about that.

Women are wonderful creatures, crippled by nature. Why couldn't God made a woman ugly in her youth and beautiful as she aged? Why couldn't He make a man better able to learn in youth and less stubborn in his old age? These are questions that won't be answered. God does his thing, and we try and do ours.

Women are in a precarious environment in today's society. Countless years of tradition, and natural fit, call for women to stay at home and raise children. Many women want to be mothers and oft times housemakers. Others have the wifely life and jobs when they can manage. Others still reserve their God-given talents for the raising of companies and employees.

There is so little spoken here about women, but I can't talk about everything, because there is one most important fact above all others men should remember about women:

They are all proudly women, and none of them want to be considered the same as any other.

Johnathan Cross