Where Real Love is Lost
Signs You Haven't Grown Up
"I love you, but I'm not 'in-love' with you."
So? Since when did being "in-love" ever constitute an actual relationship? It constitutes the high levels of SEX dripping in people's bodies and the warm fuzzies.
Fuck being "in-love." Pardon the French, but honestly.
I've said it before in a previous blog, being "In Love" is no different than being infatuated. In fact, it IS infatuation. You're infatuated with another person.
If I was In Love with someone, it means I'm infatuated with them. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Why not be infatuated with your husband? Wife? Significant other? That can be a good thing. Sure. There's nothing wrong with the warm fuzzies. They're warm, and they're fuzzy. They're nice.
But they're not real.
How many couples, every day, get lost in the warm fuzzies and forget that love is not a feeling?
Is telling someone you love them, showing love? No. It's not.
Love is NOT a feeling. You CAN feel it, but it's not a feeling. Love must be shown, or it is nothing more than YOUR state of mind. True love is showing that you not only care for them, but are willing to put their needs and wants above your own.
The Wrong Battle
When I hear of a married couple getting divorced because they "fell out of love," I can't help but feel that they are ... how you say, fighting the wrong battle? They thing the struggle is accomplishing something. Struggling accomplishes nothing.
This is not to say that struggle is avoidable, or even worthless - it builds strength, tenacity. But if you struggle with no good result, there is no victory in your fight.
If you have found yourself in a struggle that refuses to end, then you need to withdraw your forces and reattack the problem. Reassess where the battle should take place and what weapons you need.
And remember that the problem is NOT your loved one. It is a situation you and your loved one are in. Attack the PROBLEM, not your loved one.
If you are having a heavy dispute about what you want versus what they want, reassess why you two didn't just compromise in the first place. Then work out the difference.
Marriage is not a problem. Change to make it work. Your marriage is more important than your wants or desires. It's more important than your children. It's more important than anything short of your road to the afterlife.
Or were you lying at the altar?
Only in Death, Can there be Life
Being in love is not a problem until you mistake it for real love. If you fall out of love, you have simply lost your infatuation for your loved one. Does that mean your relationship is over?
Actually, on the contrary, it's completely different. This becomes a perfect opportunity for the relationship to grow to another level. This is the perfect moment to remember that marriage makes your husband or wife into your family. They cease to be only your lover (whom with you can become with anyone, same or opposite sex) and start to become your arm, leg, gut ... would you cut any of these off simply because of a little discomfort? NO! Hell no! Only when that body part dies would you consider getting rid of it. And possibly not even then. (Necrophilia is not encouraged by this Blogger, btw)
Marriage is not about simply being in love, it's about sharing someone else's life. If you suddenly think it's boring, do something to make it more exciting. Do NOT stop. Marriage isn't a optionable situation. Some think it is. Some can't make it work. Some call it irreconcilable differences.
Is your wife an irreconcilable difference?
Is your husband?
ARE THEY? ASK YOURSELF THAT QUESTION! And then ANSWER YOURSELF!
NO. If YOU are committed to making it work, and THEY are committed to making it work, then they are NOT an irreconcilable difference.
Or is the problem ... you? Are you an irreconcilable difference.
The Giving Clause
Never stop giving. Loving someone is completed only in giving to them - giving yourself, your time, your energy, sacrifices. It means, you are willing to go without something to make them happy. It means, you're willing to change aspects of who you are to accommodate aspects of who they are so that you two can work together, live together ... love together.
When a man and his wife constantly give of themselves to each other, they will always be receiving. Like fingers clasping each other, the more they push toward each other, the tighter the bond becomes, and the fewer holes there are. When one hand always expects to receive, there will always be holes in the bond of two hands joining.
Husbands who come home to a stay-at home wife (only an example), be willing to help her with with children, dishes, laundry ... Even if you're tired.
Wives who find their husband come home from a hard day at work, be willing to give him some peace and quiet.
My point is not that husbands should work and wives should stay at home. That's between you and your loved one. What I'm saying, is that you should always be willing to GIVE. You WILL receive - in more ways than you can count, but only if you're willing to continually give to that person.
To Life, Love, and Pursuit Thereof
Life is mired in the desires of the moment, forgetting the truths of every day. The truth is, love is not easy, but is so well worth it. Love culminates in marriage. Marriage is a solid, binding way of life - it's not a ride, not a trip, or an adventure. You may have a ride, trip and adventure while married, but that's not what the marriage is. It's a way of life.
Don't approach it as a trip with a refund clause, or a Christmas gift you can take back if you don't want it as much as you once did. It's how you live your life.
Put your marriage in your mind with no way out, and that improving that marriage is the only way to be happy. You know what you'll get?
I'll give you one guess. - A happy marriage.
Do what it takes, no matter how long, or far, you have to swim to get there. Go for gold, go for God, go for love, go for your spouse. Just remember that if you keep yourself first, you won't go anywhere.
Prophet of Roses
"I love you, but I'm not 'in-love' with you."
So? Since when did being "in-love" ever constitute an actual relationship? It constitutes the high levels of SEX dripping in people's bodies and the warm fuzzies.
Fuck being "in-love." Pardon the French, but honestly.
I've said it before in a previous blog, being "In Love" is no different than being infatuated. In fact, it IS infatuation. You're infatuated with another person.
If I was In Love with someone, it means I'm infatuated with them. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Why not be infatuated with your husband? Wife? Significant other? That can be a good thing. Sure. There's nothing wrong with the warm fuzzies. They're warm, and they're fuzzy. They're nice.
But they're not real.
How many couples, every day, get lost in the warm fuzzies and forget that love is not a feeling?
>>>> Love is a commitment to the betterment of another. <<<<
Is telling someone you love them, showing love? No. It's not.
Love is NOT a feeling. You CAN feel it, but it's not a feeling. Love must be shown, or it is nothing more than YOUR state of mind. True love is showing that you not only care for them, but are willing to put their needs and wants above your own.
The Wrong Battle
When I hear of a married couple getting divorced because they "fell out of love," I can't help but feel that they are ... how you say, fighting the wrong battle? They thing the struggle is accomplishing something. Struggling accomplishes nothing.
This is not to say that struggle is avoidable, or even worthless - it builds strength, tenacity. But if you struggle with no good result, there is no victory in your fight.
If you have found yourself in a struggle that refuses to end, then you need to withdraw your forces and reattack the problem. Reassess where the battle should take place and what weapons you need.
And remember that the problem is NOT your loved one. It is a situation you and your loved one are in. Attack the PROBLEM, not your loved one.
If you are having a heavy dispute about what you want versus what they want, reassess why you two didn't just compromise in the first place. Then work out the difference.
Marriage is not a problem. Change to make it work. Your marriage is more important than your wants or desires. It's more important than your children. It's more important than anything short of your road to the afterlife.
Or were you lying at the altar?
Only in Death, Can there be Life
Being in love is not a problem until you mistake it for real love. If you fall out of love, you have simply lost your infatuation for your loved one. Does that mean your relationship is over?
Actually, on the contrary, it's completely different. This becomes a perfect opportunity for the relationship to grow to another level. This is the perfect moment to remember that marriage makes your husband or wife into your family. They cease to be only your lover (whom with you can become with anyone, same or opposite sex) and start to become your arm, leg, gut ... would you cut any of these off simply because of a little discomfort? NO! Hell no! Only when that body part dies would you consider getting rid of it. And possibly not even then. (Necrophilia is not encouraged by this Blogger, btw)
Marriage is not about simply being in love, it's about sharing someone else's life. If you suddenly think it's boring, do something to make it more exciting. Do NOT stop. Marriage isn't a optionable situation. Some think it is. Some can't make it work. Some call it irreconcilable differences.
Is your wife an irreconcilable difference?
Is your husband?
ARE THEY? ASK YOURSELF THAT QUESTION! And then ANSWER YOURSELF!
NO. If YOU are committed to making it work, and THEY are committed to making it work, then they are NOT an irreconcilable difference.
Or is the problem ... you? Are you an irreconcilable difference.
The Giving Clause
Never stop giving. Loving someone is completed only in giving to them - giving yourself, your time, your energy, sacrifices. It means, you are willing to go without something to make them happy. It means, you're willing to change aspects of who you are to accommodate aspects of who they are so that you two can work together, live together ... love together.
When a man and his wife constantly give of themselves to each other, they will always be receiving. Like fingers clasping each other, the more they push toward each other, the tighter the bond becomes, and the fewer holes there are. When one hand always expects to receive, there will always be holes in the bond of two hands joining.
Husbands who come home to a stay-at home wife (only an example), be willing to help her with with children, dishes, laundry ... Even if you're tired.
Wives who find their husband come home from a hard day at work, be willing to give him some peace and quiet.
My point is not that husbands should work and wives should stay at home. That's between you and your loved one. What I'm saying, is that you should always be willing to GIVE. You WILL receive - in more ways than you can count, but only if you're willing to continually give to that person.
To Life, Love, and Pursuit Thereof
Life is mired in the desires of the moment, forgetting the truths of every day. The truth is, love is not easy, but is so well worth it. Love culminates in marriage. Marriage is a solid, binding way of life - it's not a ride, not a trip, or an adventure. You may have a ride, trip and adventure while married, but that's not what the marriage is. It's a way of life.
Don't approach it as a trip with a refund clause, or a Christmas gift you can take back if you don't want it as much as you once did. It's how you live your life.
Put your marriage in your mind with no way out, and that improving that marriage is the only way to be happy. You know what you'll get?
I'll give you one guess. - A happy marriage.
Do what it takes, no matter how long, or far, you have to swim to get there. Go for gold, go for God, go for love, go for your spouse. Just remember that if you keep yourself first, you won't go anywhere.
Prophet of Roses
posted by Johnathan Cross at 5:16 PM
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